So many times in my life, I have heard the phrase “Love the sinner, hate the sin”. On the surface, it sounds good because you are saying that you love someone but disagree with what they do, but this calls into question both the intent behind the person speaking it and who they are saying it to.
Interestingly, the only time I can remember hearing “Love the sinner, hate the sin” is when Christians are judging people for being gay or transgender. It doesn’t really work very well in this context because the person doesn’t know what the “sin” is that they are talking about. Imagine if you said, “Love the black person but hate the sin”. This statement implies that you think someone born with black skin has somehow sinned or erred in some way, as if they could have done something different and been born with a different skin color.
I know what you’ll say next: “But being gay is a choice!”
First, it isn’t a choice in any meaningful sense. Second, if it were a choice, it would actually be a fine choice. Third, you know what is a choice? Shutting up when you don’t know what you’re talking about.
I will use 2 examples to illustrate the point I am making.
A person finds out that someone they know is gay. Then they start talking about hating their sin or their sinful lifestyle. But the truth is, a straight person does not know what sin they are speaking about. Are they speaking about the sin of being attracted to the same sex, which is not an action? Are they talking about a specific sexual action the person is doing? Are they in their house watching them as they do this action by themself or with their partner and judging them for doing it wrong? What specifically are they even talking about?
Suppose someone discovers that someone is transgender, or simply assumes it because they don’t look like what they think a man or woman should look like. Some thoughts they might have include
These are just a few examples of the things I have heard or read. Most of the time, these things are said on Facebook or YouTube comments on a news story about someone who was just trying to use the restroom or play a sport.
But what I have noticed is that while gay people are judged for actions (whether real or imaginary), transgender people are judged for how their body looks. Whether they are being judged by how tall or short they are, the sound of their voice, or the size of their breasts (why are people staring at other people’s chests so much?), the point of all these sayings is to insult people for how they look. What is the sin they are hating as they claim to love the sinner? Wait, is a woman sinning if she grows facial hair due to Polycystic Ovary Syndrome? What about these thoughts or words about the size of their breasts? Is having a certain size of boobs a sin? What is the correct breast size, and how does someone make their boobs bigger or smaller?
More context is needed even to know what the sin is that they are referring to. Most of the time, this person is very vague on what the sin is. That is because they don’t really know any information about the person they are judging. This phrase is used mostly to strangers whom they don’t know.
When someone speaks of “sin”, the context usually implies that they think the person has made an error or is doing something morally wrong. These two definitions get mixed up. I will call these definitions A and B.
Sin Version A: Making a wrong move, such as moving a chess piece that causes the loss of the game, or forgetting a semicolon in a C program that you are compiling. Or perhaps “missing the mark” when you throw a ball or shoot an arrow at a target.
Sin Version B: Doing something that hurts someone, such as murder, lying, stealing, or committing adultery (having sex with someone other than your spouse).
Sin versions A and B are not the same thing, and they are not compatible. Sin A refers to a mistake made when playing a game or doing some action that has no harmful consequences. Sin B means you did something that hurt a person, either permanently by killing them, or at least temporarily, such as stealing their money that you can theoretically pay back.
Interestingly, when people say “Love the sinner, hate the sin”, they are not usually talking about a type B of sin. They don’t usually say it about murderers, rapists, thieves, or liars. No, instead they call the police, bring a lawsuit against them, or cut off contact with them. Do they talk about loving these people? No, they are too busy trying to protect themselves from this person who has hurt them or their friends/family.
But more importantly, can you still love someone while you are posting on Facebook about how much you hate someone’s sin? It is kind of a hard thing to balance. Love and hate don’t usually go in the same sentence. How about just loving the sinner and leaving it at that?
But once again, you are calling someone a sinner, as if somehow they are more in the wrong than you are. It is still hypocritical to speak of your neighbor as someone you love in spite of their being a sinner. When a person says this, they are implying that they are perfect and somehow not being a sinner, and this gives them the right to call someone else a sinner.
Matthew 7:1 “Do not judge so that you will not be judged. 2 For by the standard you judge you will be judged, and the measure you use will be the measure you receive. 3 Why do you see the speck in your brother’s eye, but fail to see the beam of wood in your own? 4 Or how can you say to your brother, ‘Let me remove the speck from your eye,’ while there is a beam in your own? 5 You hypocrite! First, remove the beam from your own eye, and then you can see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye.
It’s also worth mentioning that the statement “Love the sinner, hate the sin” only applies in the context of Christianity. Rarely do non-Christians ever use the word “sin”. However, the culture, most of which has been raised in one of the denominations of Christianity, understands that you are judging them, even if they are not sure what they are being judged for.
The only advice I can give here is to stop using this phrase unless you are prepared to be very specific in what way you love someone, and also what sin it is that you hate. And PLEASE CHOOSE A DIFFERENT SIN ONCE IN A WHILE. The LGBTQIA+ people are tired of being picked on as if we are the only sinners. You would be wise to look at what sins you and many other self-identified “Christians” are doing while distracting themselves with the sins of others, so that they don’t have to change their own behavior. Remove all the sin from your own life, then we will talk.